Trying to fit in

I got an award last night, and today, I thought people would congratulate me. I thought some of my friends would come up to me and talk to me about it. But no. They did not.

I wish people knew more about me. I wish they knew that I am awesome, and I am talented, and I’m trying not to sound whiny, but I feel like people don’t really talk to me. And the friends that do know me spend a lot of time in the theatre office, so I feel like I don’t talk to anyone during the day. I know we have limited time in the halls because we’re trying to get to our classes on time.

Also, I don’t have any friends in my classes, and that is for two reasons: 1. I spent up till seventh grade at Bigelow, which is in the district, but then for 8th and 9th grade I went to Learning Prep, a school for people with language based learning disabilities, and then I came back to the district and repeated 9th grade at North. That switch put me in an awkward situation when it came to friends. I mean, Learning Prep was ok, because I made progress with my academics, but I was having trouble fitting in when I got back to the district.

Also, I made a poster in graphics and I hung it up the other day on Main Street, and I thought that would get me more attention. I mean, I don’t mean to sound like I’m being selfish and like i’m the only that matters, but i’m trying to get more people to recognize me, and people to not make me feel invisible, because that’s the way I feel now, at that’s not okay.

I must admit: i’m introverted. I’m maybe more introverted than most people, but we’re all trying to fit in, right? I’m trying to be more extroverted and talk to more people, but for example in the cafeteria, it’s too big and too crowded and it’s hard for me to find people to sit with. I’ll keep trying, but it’s hard.

I wish people would recognize me more. Of course they're not ignoring me, but I wish I could have more conversations with friends. Like hanging out after school, you know? But they will take time, unfortunately.

The power of a disability

A lot of people have challenges. And challenges mught come in all sorts of ways. But especially a theatre artist with a disability can get unrepresented. 

Tonight, I’ve heard stories of people with and without disabilities so I wanted to reflect on that.

These actors, educators and artists with disabilities all had obstacles they had to overcome. For example, EJ, a hard of hearing actor, has difficulty, when someone doesn’t have a visual cue, he misses his line. Because he is deaf, without any communication from the other actors on stage, it would be very difficult.

When you’ve never seen someone with a disability on stage, we need to ask ourselves why are we not casting people with disabilities? 

Also, people SHOULD have the opportunity to be able to be on the stage. They shouldn’t be marginalized. I keep saying this, but I think it’s really really important 

It’s important that we continue to have these conversations. It doesn’t stop tonight. If we keep pushing and pushing, we will open up a opportunity for people with disabilities in the arts. And I’m still young, so I have a world of opportunity ahead 

Inspire change in the disability community

There’s more we can do to inspire change in our community. Tonight’s book event helped me realize that.

I just came back from an understanding our differences book event, where an amazing, 14 year old girl talked about her book, Mia Lee is Wheeling through Middle School. It’s amazing that at 14 years old, she has already written a book.

She talked about the book and her own life expectancies, and I related to a lot of what she said. For example she doesn’t like when people judge her on her disability first. I feel the same way. When we judge people on their disability, 1. It makes them feel bad, and 2. We don’t really take the time to get to know them. 

The second thing she said that I think was important was that there is still more we can do. Because people will disabilities get marginalized half the time, they shouldn’t. They are just a normal human being on this earth, and they deserve the same amount of respect, and it’s really not fair that they are being marginalized just because of their differences.

There is still more we can do to help people with disabilities have an equal opportunity. I will not stop advocating for this issue, because I think it’s a very important issue.

Infinite possibilities.

The presentation at BU was very interesting. It was all about social media in our digital age. That is what I want to do later in life.

Social media is ever changing. There is so much that is evolving. In the very early days, when I wasn’t even alive, we didn’t even have Facebook. and now there is so much we can use it for. 

There is even more technology that I didn’t know about till today. I mean it’s amazing how far we’ve come

Creativity pushes the boundaries of technology. Without technology, there is no creativity. That’s why technology is at a vital point in our digital world. It’s how we communicate, work, play and learn.

Technology is ever changing in our society. There is so many ways we can use it. With the integration of science and math, it pushes the boundaries of what you can create. That opens up our imagination as what we can make. Infinite possibilities.

The power of culture.

Vibrant cites. Creative minds. A world of new opportunities for children to explore. This is the power of culture. 

The power of culture. Well, what is culture? Culture is the world we live in.

Take a look outside. The people walking up an down the street. The people stopping to ask questions. The Thinkers. The Creators. The Problem Solvers

Our city is rich with culture. All around us. Culture is.

Culture is unique.

Culture sparks our creativity

Culture is diverse.

Culture is inclusive.

Culture is important.

It helps up to live a better day. It helps us to raise questions about who we really are.

Inspiring a new generation to make our world even better.

Culture is how we communicate.

Culture helps foster creativity.

It helps us come up with new ideas.

New opportunities arise every day.

It is to explore the light of discovery 

We are innovators, coming up with 

New ideas. New possibilities.

New ideas for the future.

It is the chance to explore your imagination.

Play with these ideas where you are are still young. 

Let your mind wander beyond your wildest dreams.

Because once you get older, you wander no more.

Civilly

We must always practice civility. Civility is always the right thing to do. But we must ask ourselves: What is civility?

Civility is the act of being kind and being a good citizen. To be civil is to help someone in need. In light of recent events, that is more important than ever.

Civilly means to be kind. To show respect to one another. This is NOT to show hatred! Celebrate our diversity and respect that everyone is unique. 

Now where do we start being civil? If you read my Facebook post the other night, you know that I’m all about service. Service is good because it helps build up a sense of community and it helps our neighbors in need.

Resistance.

We need to let go of resistance. There is a difference between amateur and pro. We need to turn pro.

How do we turn from amateur to pro? The ammeter can't think of any ideas. His idea are not good enough. The pro on the other hand works for hours till he gets something done, and that sits back, feeling accomplished.

As Steven Pressfield said, "The difference between an amateur and a professional is in their habits. An amateur has amateur habits. A professional has professional habits. We can never free ourselves from habit. But we can replace bad habits with good ones"

The habit we need to break is resistance. What keep us from doing good work? Nothing. What prevents us from doing good work is ourselves. 

Try something new.

Photography. You might get bored of it after a while. And not to say that I don't get bored of it. I do. But you can make the most interesting photograph out of whatever you have, even around your house.

Try different angles. Try to compose your shots differently all the time.

Now, this is not a blog post to say to quit whatever you do to start photography. But I know I'm very passionate about it, and as with everything you do, try to make it interesting.

Say that you've just bought a new car. It's brand spanking new, and you take it out for a test drive for the first time. You love your new car for the first two months. But then you say, eh, I could care less.

If you really love something. Say a sport or something, and you find that you're consistently bored with it, try to spruce it up a little bit. Or try something new.

Creative block

I have a hard time sometimes coming up with ideas. Creating is not easy. Waking up every day and coming up with new ideas.

I try to look for inspiration on different websites, but for graphic design, it's hard to replicate those if you have no idea how they do it.

I'm starting a Graphics course, so that will defiantly help, but I still need help on what to create.

Only so much time

There's a simple way to say this. There's not enough hours in the day to do all of the stuff we want to do. Even for me, and I'm still in school. I suppose as I get older and I am out of school, it will get easier to manage my time.

Now, this wasn't a problem just for today. Every day. It feels like there's so much we want to accomplish, but not enough time to do it all.

Planning helps, sure. But it doesn't really. Even when you plan, things can get off track sometimes and you can't focus at the task at hand. And sometimes, you sit down to accomplish something, but it doesn't go the way you want it to.

And that's where learning comes in. But the thing is, you only have so much time in the day to lear.

Be The Over–achiever

I'll admit it: I can sometimes be a slacker. I can sometimes get in the mood where I don't want to do anything except just kick it on Facebook all day long. And you know what? That's not productive.

If you have a dream, you have to work for it. Be the overachiever. Don't just sit and wait for a solution to pop up out of thin air. If you really really want something, you have to work extra extra extra hard to get there. Nobody will do the work for you. You have to put in the time. You have to have the right dedication, and you have to commit to it.

So what are you waiting for? Get out there and be the over–achiever.

What's your motivation?

We can be motivated by people. We are motived by the people we love. We have this common interest that we share. We want to change the world for the better.

"If you think for one second that I don't wake up every day with doubts and insecurities wondering what comes next for me, you'd be dead wrong"

So what comes next? If you have a passion, you want to fight for that. Execute on that. Don't just wait around and wait for things to happen for you. You have to take action!

In order to take action you need a plan. A plan for that, every day when you wake up, you don't have to sit there, wondering what you're going to do. For example, today, right when I got up, I knew I was going to watch Roberto's film and then write a blog post "review" about it. And I did just that.

We. Are. Game-changers.

People with disabilities are game changers. You know why? They work harder than everybody else. Whatever the challenge that your disability comes with, you have to overcome that challenge. And you have to work harder than over people to overcome those challenges.

I was inspired to write this blog post when of my friends got an article written about him. His name is Elbert, and while he doesn't have physical challenges like me, he is a deaf actor. 

One of the quote from this article is: "Where is the support from the Boston theatre community to engage and encourage the diversity of artists? How can those with disabilities grow their crafts and skills in professional performances, both backstage and onstage? Yes, the accessibility is getting there, but we are not there yet – fully, equally. How does the Boston theatre community celebrate inclusion? Why are we constantly an afterthought or pushed aside? Discussion of equality is not enough. We deserve action"

It is time to take action in the world. Whether you have a disability or not. If you do believe in something, you have the courage and power to make it happen. Change starts with understanding and empathy.

While reading this article that I read this morning about Elbert, it made me realize the world of theater is a very special place. It incoperates two of my main principles, diversity and inclusion!

 "When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful." –Malala Yousafzai

http://www.netheatregeek.com/2017/08/22/a-letter-to-the-boston-theatre-community-from-one-of-our-own-e-j-speaks-his-truth-to-power/

Not looking forward to...

I'm not ready to face the reality of junior year

It's going to be very hard. Work work work every day with no breaks. I'm not going to have time to do what I want to do. It's just gonna be work work all the time with no breaks. I'm not looking forward to that.

I have to try and find a balence. A balance between school and fun stuff. But how?

My mom I think pushes me way too hard. I know that most of the time it is good to work hard. It's good to keep busy. But it's also important that I hae time to myself. She needs to understand that, and I think she does, most of the time.

Another part of why i'm upset is that this trip is no fun. It feels lke all I do is work work work. I know I know, Corin, I hear you inside my head. You're saying "Nathan, lif is not just abou kicking it on Facebook all day". And while I realize that's truw, sometimes I need time to do what I want to do.

A Hard Life: Activities

There are limited things my body can do, and that is very frustrating.

I can't throw a basketball very well. Right now as I write this, people are playing knockout, and I just don't think that Is a good game for me. I mean I try to shoot basketballs, but the hoop is too high.

The fact that I cannot participate in activities like this is partly the reason why I don't have many friends, and that I really upsetting. Because I really want to. I want to be part of the group and participate. But some people need to make accommodations for me to be able to be able to participate.

A Hard Life: Friends

I have a hard life sometimes. I have challenges I need to deal with. We all do. And I try not to be selfish.

I just am a very introverted person, and I think it's hard for people to know what to say to me. I am really struggling with that right now. I mean, I try to engage with people, but I feel that people just ignore me, and just say "Whatever", and just move on like they don't really care. Especially teenagers.  And that really hurts inside.

Let me be clear here: This is less a situation with adults. I get along with adults just fine. It's more of teenagers I have a hard time getting along with. Which is weird. I guess teenagers are more self–centered.

This is a real big problem for me, especially at social events. I just came back from a social event, and I felt miserable most of the way home.

I mean, I really do try to talk to people make friends. That's the big thing I'm trying to work on this year. But I feel every conversation you have with teenagers is  they go from one subject to the next, and they don't really give me time to barge in.

Also. having CP is also hard. And that relates. Because of my disability, it makes it hard to keep up with people.

Lastly, I would like to share a poem with you all:

All is lost
There's No Hope For me.
I try to talk,
but people rarely listen,
I fell so lost
like a tree that has no branches

I feel so alone.
Like a lonely stone lying there on the beach
that no one has bothered to pick up.
I feel like no one respects me.
I feel like I should vanish and disappear
But then again,
Once more, I feel the light appear.

Disability and What I Can do About It.

I have CP, or cerebral palsy. Or more specifically, a genetic mutation called Spinocerebellar Ataxia.

Spinocerebellar Ataxia, as defined by Google is  is one of a group of genetic disorders characterized by slowly progressive in-coordination of gait and often associated with poor coordination of hands, speech, and eye movements. Frequently, atrophy of the cerebellum occurs.

Living with it can be very hard. I cry a lot when I fall. But I've learned to accept it. 

I wish there was a cure for my condition. Sadly, there is not. But I try to get stronger. I do physical therapy whenever I can. Still it's hard to deal with.

Although it's hard for me to deal with, I try not to think about it too much. I love theatre, and I am passionate about making theatre accessible for everyone, especially people with disabilities. Although my condition limits me in many ways, I think it's good for the audience members to see a person with a disability up on the stage. That’s why I keep auditioning for stuff.

But as much as love theatre, I like telling my story through the means of visual communication, whether that means in terms of graphic design, photography, digital illustration, etc. So I try to find a balance. A balance between theatre and visual communication. And this summer I did just that. 

This summer I was a a marketing intern for Weston Drama Workshop, a local community theater in Weston that puts on professional shows in the area. I think that has been really rewarding for me, because It connects my interest for visual communication, graphic design and photography, with my interest in theater. I designed posers and flyers to put on social media. I made a promotional video, and I really got some experience of what it’s like to work in the field of marketing and digital communication.

Deep in the Mine

Set against the miner coal strike in London in the 1940s, against the cruel time of Maggie Thatcher, this emotional but inspirational story is about a boy named Billy who haas a passion of ballet.

Billy Eliot was played by the phenomenal Cameron Levesque. At just ten years old, he portrays the character really well. And not to mention his dancing skills. There a scene where Mrs. Wilkinson, convinces Billy’s dad, which is played by the wonderful Jonathan Champion, to send him to The Royal Ballet School, Jackie, Billy’s dad, is having non of it. Billy then gets really mad, and storms into a dance which is referred to the “Angry Dance”. It is literally four minutes of Billy just thrashing his body and throwing his body this way and that. It is really well done. There's another number in Act 2 called "Electricity". This is at the audition for The Royal Ballet School, after Jackie lets Billy go. Billy performs this number excipoanally well, and you might call this number a showstopper.

At the helm of this production is the brilliant Skylar Grossman. Just seeing the way he directs is amazing! He blocks it in such a way that is wonderful to watch.

There are definitely some funny woments in the show, and there are some moments that will make you cry.

There was nothing wrong with this production Weston Drama put on this summer, but how does it compare to the production I saw at Wheelock Family Theatre in February. This production was not as elaborate. Now I'm not saying anything bad about the production today, but Wheelock's set was more elaborate, you might say. And of course Weston only had the summer to pull this off, whereas Wheelock had professional actors and much more time to rehearse.

All in all, the production was great. As a BE fan (I wasn't one before this, but now Im a fan), I was really satisfied.

Don't assume

Well, that's what plays do to us don't they? They are a piece of art to are expressed in words that are carved meticulously written down by the playwright. And "Heartland" was no exception. The play was beautifully written by Jacob Rosen. It had a great message that I think everyone could relate to.

I think all plays, but especially this one; really execute on their intent. And what I mean by that is you walk in really knowing nothing about the play, but by the end of the play you really have a good handle on what it's about. For me, I didn't know what Heartland was about. It could've been about two men walking through a forest an discover the Land Of The Heart for all I know. But it wasn't. It was about a couple of guys. One guy, Phillip, who was gay (though honestly I couldn't tell) was in an abusive relationship with Sky, and in a all of a sudden turn of events, and although Ben wanted Bruce to have a successful future, Bruce commits suicide. So Sky ends up marrying someone else.

The moral of the play was that you should never make assumptions about people before you get to meet them. Phillip was definitely a one–sided person, and had some trouble staying in the relationship he was in.

But yes, assuming before you meet a person is not cool. Ive had trouble with that in my own experience. As a person with a disability, I've had people judge me before they get to me, and so yes, I related to this story very much.

Introverted.

I feel like I don’t get as much attention. At school, at camps that I go to. I think people want to be my friend, but they’re afraid to come up to me and have a conversation.

I hate being introverted. At school, for example, everyone is having fun with their friends in the cafeteria, and I just sit alone. A couple people, say hi to me but most people don't bother.

I think why people are afraid to come up to me is the way they think I will react. They see me a walker and they run the other way. Don’t. I’m not trying to shut you out. Because of my condition, I may have a slower time processing what you’r saying, but I can understand what you’re saying.

And another thing, nobody has to feel like I need “special treatment.” I'm just a regular kid, just with some differences, that’s all.

I don't like being introverted. It makes you feel empty inside, like nobody cares about you. But if you just be patient with me, then we can get along.