A Hard Life: Friends

I have a hard life sometimes. I have challenges I need to deal with. We all do. And I try not to be selfish.

I just am a very introverted person, and I think it's hard for people to know what to say to me. I am really struggling with that right now. I mean, I try to engage with people, but I feel that people just ignore me, and just say "Whatever", and just move on like they don't really care. Especially teenagers.  And that really hurts inside.

Let me be clear here: This is less a situation with adults. I get along with adults just fine. It's more of teenagers I have a hard time getting along with. Which is weird. I guess teenagers are more self–centered.

This is a real big problem for me, especially at social events. I just came back from a social event, and I felt miserable most of the way home.

I mean, I really do try to talk to people make friends. That's the big thing I'm trying to work on this year. But I feel every conversation you have with teenagers is  they go from one subject to the next, and they don't really give me time to barge in.

Also. having CP is also hard. And that relates. Because of my disability, it makes it hard to keep up with people.

Lastly, I would like to share a poem with you all:

All is lost
There's No Hope For me.
I try to talk,
but people rarely listen,
I fell so lost
like a tree that has no branches

I feel so alone.
Like a lonely stone lying there on the beach
that no one has bothered to pick up.
I feel like no one respects me.
I feel like I should vanish and disappear
But then again,
Once more, I feel the light appear.

Disability and What I Can do About It.

I have CP, or cerebral palsy. Or more specifically, a genetic mutation called Spinocerebellar Ataxia.

Spinocerebellar Ataxia, as defined by Google is  is one of a group of genetic disorders characterized by slowly progressive in-coordination of gait and often associated with poor coordination of hands, speech, and eye movements. Frequently, atrophy of the cerebellum occurs.

Living with it can be very hard. I cry a lot when I fall. But I've learned to accept it. 

I wish there was a cure for my condition. Sadly, there is not. But I try to get stronger. I do physical therapy whenever I can. Still it's hard to deal with.

Although it's hard for me to deal with, I try not to think about it too much. I love theatre, and I am passionate about making theatre accessible for everyone, especially people with disabilities. Although my condition limits me in many ways, I think it's good for the audience members to see a person with a disability up on the stage. That’s why I keep auditioning for stuff.

But as much as love theatre, I like telling my story through the means of visual communication, whether that means in terms of graphic design, photography, digital illustration, etc. So I try to find a balance. A balance between theatre and visual communication. And this summer I did just that. 

This summer I was a a marketing intern for Weston Drama Workshop, a local community theater in Weston that puts on professional shows in the area. I think that has been really rewarding for me, because It connects my interest for visual communication, graphic design and photography, with my interest in theater. I designed posers and flyers to put on social media. I made a promotional video, and I really got some experience of what it’s like to work in the field of marketing and digital communication.

Deep in the Mine

Set against the miner coal strike in London in the 1940s, against the cruel time of Maggie Thatcher, this emotional but inspirational story is about a boy named Billy who haas a passion of ballet.

Billy Eliot was played by the phenomenal Cameron Levesque. At just ten years old, he portrays the character really well. And not to mention his dancing skills. There a scene where Mrs. Wilkinson, convinces Billy’s dad, which is played by the wonderful Jonathan Champion, to send him to The Royal Ballet School, Jackie, Billy’s dad, is having non of it. Billy then gets really mad, and storms into a dance which is referred to the “Angry Dance”. It is literally four minutes of Billy just thrashing his body and throwing his body this way and that. It is really well done. There's another number in Act 2 called "Electricity". This is at the audition for The Royal Ballet School, after Jackie lets Billy go. Billy performs this number excipoanally well, and you might call this number a showstopper.

At the helm of this production is the brilliant Skylar Grossman. Just seeing the way he directs is amazing! He blocks it in such a way that is wonderful to watch.

There are definitely some funny woments in the show, and there are some moments that will make you cry.

There was nothing wrong with this production Weston Drama put on this summer, but how does it compare to the production I saw at Wheelock Family Theatre in February. This production was not as elaborate. Now I'm not saying anything bad about the production today, but Wheelock's set was more elaborate, you might say. And of course Weston only had the summer to pull this off, whereas Wheelock had professional actors and much more time to rehearse.

All in all, the production was great. As a BE fan (I wasn't one before this, but now Im a fan), I was really satisfied.

Don't assume

Well, that's what plays do to us don't they? They are a piece of art to are expressed in words that are carved meticulously written down by the playwright. And "Heartland" was no exception. The play was beautifully written by Jacob Rosen. It had a great message that I think everyone could relate to.

I think all plays, but especially this one; really execute on their intent. And what I mean by that is you walk in really knowing nothing about the play, but by the end of the play you really have a good handle on what it's about. For me, I didn't know what Heartland was about. It could've been about two men walking through a forest an discover the Land Of The Heart for all I know. But it wasn't. It was about a couple of guys. One guy, Phillip, who was gay (though honestly I couldn't tell) was in an abusive relationship with Sky, and in a all of a sudden turn of events, and although Ben wanted Bruce to have a successful future, Bruce commits suicide. So Sky ends up marrying someone else.

The moral of the play was that you should never make assumptions about people before you get to meet them. Phillip was definitely a one–sided person, and had some trouble staying in the relationship he was in.

But yes, assuming before you meet a person is not cool. Ive had trouble with that in my own experience. As a person with a disability, I've had people judge me before they get to me, and so yes, I related to this story very much.

Introverted.

I feel like I don’t get as much attention. At school, at camps that I go to. I think people want to be my friend, but they’re afraid to come up to me and have a conversation.

I hate being introverted. At school, for example, everyone is having fun with their friends in the cafeteria, and I just sit alone. A couple people, say hi to me but most people don't bother.

I think why people are afraid to come up to me is the way they think I will react. They see me a walker and they run the other way. Don’t. I’m not trying to shut you out. Because of my condition, I may have a slower time processing what you’r saying, but I can understand what you’re saying.

And another thing, nobody has to feel like I need “special treatment.” I'm just a regular kid, just with some differences, that’s all.

I don't like being introverted. It makes you feel empty inside, like nobody cares about you. But if you just be patient with me, then we can get along.

Hard times

There are some good things about me. I'm smart, i'm kind, but other parts about my life that are to deal with. Like falling all the time. Being too slow to keep up with my friends, losing my balance.  All these things I don't like, and I get frustrated when my body doesn't work like it's supposed too. I don't have many friends either.

Besides the negative, there are a lot of positives. I am good on the computer,  where I have a lot of technical skills. I am good with photography and photo editing, graphic design and theatre. I'm smart, i'm kind, i'm intelligent.

I guess having CP is not that difficult. Not to say that it isn't difficult., but there are many other people who have it worse than me. There are people who have other mental disabilities, like autism, and Down syndrome. And while I have compassion for those other disabilities, I still struggle a lot with mine, too.